Jessica Alba Wrote A Book Giving Advice To Busy Mothers

Are you ready to stab your own eyes out with forks? yes? Well thats lucky, because The Alba Bitch has gone all Goop on us and released a book which tells mothers how to make their own kale juice and baby food and use chemical free cleaning products, which are, she says, the secret to domestic bliss.

Vomit.

The tome, which is called The Honest Life, is hardly going to set the world on fire- most mothers are too busy to read it and the ones who arent and have any kind of interest in living that way have access to google so are entirely capable of figuring out how to waste time with borderline OCD levels of labelling (with a labeller) in a bid to get organised or worrying about plastics.

To sum it all up in one gif, this is the face Id do if I had Jessicas book in front of me and had to read it to explain the contents to you.

But, dont take my word for it, Jessicas put together a handy guide for a busy mother on how to spend a day drinking green juice and organising a dinner party for you to peruse, roll your eyes at and ultimately ignore.

LIVING LIKE JESSICA ALBA

7 a.m.: Feed your tot the homemade baby food you made over the weekend by pureing a pound of peeled veggies with chicken stock, a clove of garlic, fresh ginger and sea salt. Serve yourself a green smoothie by blending cucumber, kale, celery, apples, ginger! and lemon juice.

8 a.m.: Put your best face forward by whipping up a quick coffee scrub, stirring a tablespoon of finely ground java with a 1/2 cup of full-fat Greek yogurt, and a dash of lemon juice if your skin is oily, or coconut oil for dry skin.

9 a.m.: Dressing is a snap since your closet is so organized labels are a must! And with all your wardrobe staples (a fitted blazer, the perfect jeans and playful scarves), theres always something to wear.

Noon: Youre planning a dinner party tonight, so hit your local greenmarket or specialty store during lunch for fresh organic ingredients.

5 p.m.: Get back to your pre-pregnancy weight by working out with a friend or chasing your three-year-old around. A chiropractor and prenatal yoga teacher are godsends for mommies-to-be.

6 p.m. Prep the dinner party while readying your kids for bed. Roast two chickens in the oven while the little ones take their bath.

7 p.m. Put the kids to bed; setting an early bedtime makes time for you and your hubby later in the evening.

8 p.m.: Party time! Serve the roasts with premade nuts, cheese and olives, and have the guests bring the wine and dessert.

Next week how to make ice cubes with Pippa Middleton.